Updating my blog

As most of you know, this is only one of THREE blogs I write and keep up.  I know, I'm a little nuts.  But the past two months I've been secretly working on conglomerating them all and now, it's a reality!  I've had some wonderful help in this process and I'm endless grateful. 

Now, I'm a little worried that the readers I've gained on this blog will not follow me over :(  I worked so hard to make this a great blog full of smiles and info.  My BIG blog will be more of the same, just everything all in the same spot. 

I will have my running updates, photography, sewing, food/recipes, thoughts and adventures with my kids organized so it's only one click of the button instead of three.  I really love my new blog and I know you all will too.  Please join me over there!

I have Facebook page with cute updates and info on up and coming posts, if you have a request for something you'd like me to write on or do so you can see how it's done, you can post it there!

Mommy Hobbies on FB

Hop on over to my new home and let me know what you think!  I have a goal to reach 400 readers by the end of this year.  And I want each of them to be people like you all who enjoy what I do and follow me because you want to, not because someone begged you. 

The New Mommy Hobbies Site!

Writing is my passion and it brings me such great joy to write and read the comments, or notes sent by people who were touch by my sharing a particular story.  Don't leave me now!  We're only getting started :)

Thank you all so much for your support!

Of Food and Love: This Weekend: Be Free

Of Food and Love: This Weekend: Be Free: Catch the full post over here... Be Free

Of Food and Love: Papa & Mama

Of Food and Love: Papa & Mama: I posted on my new blog today...the differences between D and I and how we... Papa & Mama <~~~ click to read the post

You can't hide the truth

I have tried though.  But, in January of this year it became glaringly evident that it was no longer possible to ignore.
I was pulling my hair back, trying to fiddle my fuzz into an acceptable hairstyle when I noticed something.  A hair that was not like all the others.  Need I mention its color?  I think not, because SURELY I am not the only one who has experienced this. 

At first it was only a couple inches in length, and just last week I found it again and, "My! how it has grown!"  Don't know what I was thinking when I, sadly enough, convinced myself that hairs that color just stop growing after a certain length, and, maybe even fall out shortly after their appearance.  I'm not lying when I write this.  Dumb, dumb, dumb.  It's STILL here, much longer, and it reflects the light much differently than my black locks. 

I'm aging.  I can't hide it any longer.  Truth be told, I had visions of plucking it, but then I stopped myself, because I didn't want to be like everyone else.  I just stared at it, wrinkled my brow, cried a little inside and then tucked it under all the other hair that is NOT that color.  (notice, I can not even bring myself to even mention its shade... *grumble*)

Not saying I'm happy about this change in my life...you know, this new color hair moving in, uninvited and all but I'm trying to embrace it.  I even forgot about it for like a month...I'm seriously hoping that they don't all decide to move in at the same time.  I heard stress is the perfect breeding ground for its kind.  Uhm, full body massage, cucumber facial, detox diet and a vacay in Europe please, thank you.

I honestly have the face of a twenty year old.  Cruel joke, Mother Nature.  Rude. 
She gives my family genes a drink from the fountain of youth and when I turn 30 she sticks it to me.  Seriously, people are going to think I'm graying prematurely.
Once again.  Rude.

Whatever, so here I am, 30, my hair is changing, one strand at a time and I'm befuddled.
Who has a face like this and has an easy time convincing people they will be turning 31 in a couple of months?  Oh, yes, that would be me. 

Uhm, anyone else have any dark secrets they'd like to share about their body betraying them?

Let's be honest

If you're a mom, and this thought hasn't flitted through your mind ONCE I might call you a liar...maybe.

But, I'm being honest.  This thought has gone through my mind and more so, just recently. 

I think

I WANT A NANNY. 

That sounds so, bad.  I mean, it's like sacrilege to all stay-at-home-moms.  But, I told you that I'm being honest so, just hear me out and then forget everything I've written.
My house irritates me when it gets messy.  It's nothing a good two hour cleaning can't handle but still.  My mood takes a dip south and I start snapping at people.  For those who don't know, I make these cute PUnk MOnkeys and they take up a lot of my time.  With kids, it takes me close to three days to make one.  Without kids and uninterrupted.  About three hours.  How do I know that?  I had D help me out.  I told him to watch the kids while I timed myself.  Warp speed folks.  Warp speed.
POW.  Then I was overwhelmed with this sneaky thought, what if I had someone to follow my kids around and pick up their messes?  Oh, heavenly days. 

Ok, so, maybe what I really want isn't a nanny but a human-picker-upper.  That's sounds better.  I love my babies, but I need more hours in my day.  Less cleaning and more stitching.

This is me.  being completely honest.  Over and out.

Those friends

Feeling a little nostalgic today.

I think that "true" friends are very much taken for granted.  We all think we have them, but soon discover not everyone is "true" friend material.  Boo.  But let me tell you now, finding that one friend, or two, who will ride out any situation with you is one of the best feelings in the world.  I'm really counting my blessings today for the people in my life who know how to keep your confidence, send you a little pick-me-up note, push you through your weak moments, tell you like it is -- with love, know who you are and what you're made of...

So many people, I've found, have a limit on their friendship.  Eventually, they decide to give up and choose to see the negative or choose to believe a misguided word.  How many times have these unfortunate situations ruined a beautiful budding relationship?  *sigh*  My Sunday school teacher once shared that "a man is lucky to have five true friends in his life".  How hard that was for me to see while I was young.  I mean, shoot, I had friends for a dime a dozen.  We played Barbies, house, cowboys and Indians.  They were my friends, right?  Only good friends let you wear their clothes or give you a fresh pair of underwear when you forgot to bring yours to the sleepover...

Time tells and reveals so much about the character of mankind.  So fickle and flighty.  So conditional and critical.  Good luck finding a brother who will stand by you through the storm. 

Today, I am thankful for the few people I have in my life who have never questioned my character or integrity.  They know me in such a deep way.  They accept my faults and work with me.  They have a smile, a nudge or a whisper to keep me focused.  They see the good in me.  They see the good.  Shame, shame on those who enjoy finding the faults of their brother.  Shame.  Don't tear down.  Lift up your brother in his weakened state, for if you don't, you are no better than he in his folly...

Extend a hand.

Thank you to all of my childhood friends and thank you to those who came into my life in my early twenties.  You are the people who have helped me to become who I am today.

Of Food and Love: This Weekend: Give Up

Of Food and Love: This Weekend: Give Up: "Give up on being critical of your neighbor -- it ruins beautiful things like relationships. Give up on being selfish -- sharing is so much ..."

The Elixir of Life

I remember reading The Trumpeter of Krakow, when I was in high school.  It was a fabulous book and I highly recommend it to anyone who loves reading good literature.  That's where I learned the term "elixir of life".  It's great phrase and very applicable to most of life's problems involving stupidity.

"But," persisted the student, "you seek the elixir of life, do you not?"

"No," answered the alchemist, "although in regard to it I admit that I have much curiosity.  If it is true that all things are subject to change, then one might change from old to young as well as from young to old if one could find the laws to reverse the process of life.  And as to this I do not doubt that the restorer of youth can be found.  Yet I am not interested as are those who have lived vain lives and hope to do better if life may be relived."

Ah, yes, some people seek this illusive elixir and when they cannot find it, their immaturity takes over.  The proverbial cupboards fly open, the mixing and stirring begin to create this "thing" that will give them answers.  How dumb.  I'm sorry, but really.  Why don't you just let life happen?  Quit trying to direct it here and there and everywhere.  That is not to say, "do not have a plan".  HAVE a plan, but for crying out loud, leave certain things alone.  There are spaces in our lives that must not be touched by our meddling eager hands. 

And, there are spaces we must not go, for if we do, it will ruin a good thing.  *sigh*  Yeah, I'm pretty happy right about now for the extra layer of skin I've grown since living here.  Seems like there will never be enough hurt or pain in the world until finally it just all stops.  Something happens in the universe, a star blinks for the last time and then, it's time, time for all the *bad* in the world to go away.

Yet again, someone has thrown open their cupboard in search of the "elixir" and instead of waiting for it they made up their own version...wrong mixture my friend...wrong mixture, and you just ruined a good thing.

Let's all hold on just a little longer until the time is right, ok?  No use messing up the bigger picture for your stunted version of reality.

Mommy Hobbies: Mommy Hobbies on Etsy!

Mommy Hobbies: Mommy Hobbies on Etsy!: "Yes, I finally did it. Set my fear on the back burner and went for it. I now have an etsy shop showcasing my cute little Punk Monkeys. If..."

I fake dumb

Good lord, what an admission and I really hope my husband doesn't read this.  But, please, ladies, don't tell me you don't do this...

I know how to do a lot of things and then there are things that I just *don't want to do*.  For instance, the bbq.  It isn't rocket science, and I know I can do it, but I just can't help think that my luck would have it for my brows to be singed off, leaving me with a uni-brow-like stain and an unfortunate look about me.  Not going to risk it.  So, I feign stupidity leaving that job to D.

Pulling apart the vacuum to extract all the hair, string and shoe laces from the beater bar.  Yes, I can do it, but I don't want to.  Once again, I am almost positive it's in the book of fate that as my fingers are in there digging around, my little two year old will manage to plug it in and turn it on.  Chop-chop.  My fingers will be eaten and that "unfortunate look about me" image becomes a reality.

Using the riding lawn mower to wack down two acres worth of grass on our property.  Not going to do it.  It doesn't look like fun and who wants to drive in circles anyway?  As a kid I used to love mowing the lawn.  I enjoyed making straight lines in the grass...uhm, but, for some reason the riding lawn mower does not woo me.  And it won't ever.  My hair, and those low branches just won't mix and I won't be pulling an Absalom in my own front yard.

And I can't say that I jump at the chance to put together any type of furniture.  Those instructions are intimidating... just waiting to be wadded up and tossed clear across the room in frustration.  *sigh*  I'm starting to sound helpless, aren't I?  But loading up a poorly constructed book case is a recipe for crash-bang-boom in the middle of the night and a young couple dead in their bed from fright.

I'm sure that there is an ego-boosting factor in this for my husband.  He's just so good at all of these things.  Why mess a good thing up, right?

*Honey, please, don't read this and catch on to my sneaky "fake stupid/dumb" ways... just keep doing all those things, cuz I love it.*

Oh, and to you, who is reading this, snickering...yes, don't lie, you know you do it too.

Atmospheric Pressure

How does your house feel?  What vibes roll up and down the floors and under the area rugs?  What sounds float through the air?  Good, bad?  Lazy, hard working?  Screams of anger, laughter?  Ahh, how the *feel* of our home can affect our mind and the receptiveness to correction or instruction or anything productive, for that matter. 
Our children are used to seeing me clean.  It's sort of like, to be expected.  Cylas knows that if he makes a mess that he needs to clean it up, or he'll inform me that a mess was made and SOMEbody needs to clean it up.  How many times have I found Roma with my spray bottle and a rag in hand scrubbing at the floors and walls.  Too many.  But it's ok!  I take her hand and help her scrub.  I'll squirt the rag, hand it to her and we work together.  The *feel* in our house is busy, happy and peaceful. 
The day starts with me clinking around in the kitchen making breakfast, waiting for my babies to get up.  After breakfast, we clean up and rest for a bit.  Lately, we've been doing school with Cylas.  He loves it. 
Throughout the day we busy ourselves with little projects and lots of "us" time.  Me and the babies.  Them around my ankles as I clean up the kitchen or chop veggies for dinner.  My toes being stepped on as they try to help me make our bed or fold the laundry. 
We're a little unit.  We move around the house like a Ruumba.  It's funny. 
All this "working together", though, makes for a good, wholesome atmosphere that they will hopefully try to recreate when they are on their own.  They both have their own preferences, cleaning and general. 

Roma: her hands MUST be clean at all times, no exceptions and she must have at least two layers of clothing on ALWAYS including a puffy skirt, at times she will insist on vacuuming.  

Cylas:  He has to be wearing something Spiderman-ish(underwear, shirt, mask, sandals, watch...the list is ENDless).  His room must be clean (this desire varies and is stronger at other times), he goes through phases where he will do the dishes without being asked(this is a VERY messy undertaking), he enjoys vacuuming his room.  Oh, and he likes to prepare fresh snacks for when we run our errands: fresh fruit, cold water and possibly some Sun Chips.

To be fair, I should say that we're constantly picking up.  My house is by no means spotless.  It is clean, but a stray web can be found here and there and pockets of dust I missed.  Hah, yeaaah, I would be lying if I presented my house as being perfectly clean.  Sometimes I drive myself a little nuts with all the cleaning and picking up and I take a day off.  And since it's summer, I take a day off and sit by the pool.  We pack a picnic, grab our suits and chill.  I like those days.  And I like the atmosphere, too.

Gossip

The beauty of gossip is this:  it will either make you or break you.  Gossip, is definitely here for a reason.  Oh, the pain it causes as it rips through your soul and attacks your character.  Now, depending on where the "I know who I am" spot lies, this assault will either reassure you that you ARE who you are, or it will cause confusion. 
And I still have yet to understand WHY people want to gossip.  What good does it do?  None.  What harm does it bring?  Much.  Plus, it makes the mouth-flapper look bad in the end and wasn't the whole point of those slanderous words to make themselves look better?  Ah, yes, that sneaky little thing called KAARRRMMAaa.  Please, don't let yourself be invited over to her tea party.  You might end up with a little taste of your own medicine and MAN, sugar does NOT help it go down.  Not saying I've never gossiped...I tried it when I was younger once and didn't like it.
Since I waved goodbye to my fuzzy-haired teenage years, and said hello to my hi-I'm-the-young-looking-mom-of-two-children years...and unfortunately been the recipient of some major gossip, I've sworn it out of my life forever.  What use is it to me??  So far, all it has done is hurt, frustrated, and wound.

Now, for the beauty of gossip.  Beside all of the horrible things it has done, I've noticed something spectacular.  Through the rips in my flesh and the wounds in my character, I've seen the twinkle of life peeping out at me.   I'm still here.  I didn't curl up and die.  Thank goodness it only made me stronger.  What the gossip tried to use for evil against me only proved that I was, indeed, the opposite.  No gossiping back.  No flappy-lip syndrome.  Not going to use evil to fight evil.  Just patience...patience and the consistancy of being who I really am.

Me.

And if they don't like it...well, sorry folks, but no amount of flappy-lip will make me crumble to the level of gossipy nastiness, too.  Nope.  Nuh-uh.  So flap on, flippy-floppy-lip-lappers.  

Mommy Hobbies: Running: Catch the skirt

Mommy Hobbies: Running: Catch the skirt: "Ran a 5k yesterday. Felt like a million bucks. There were well over 500 racers participating. The biggest race I've run in, yet. I was s..."

The test

I spoke on the qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman a couple weeks back.  Yesterday, I was confronted with a situation and I totally forgot about all of those nuggets of wisdom.  But today during my morning prayer and bible reading my lesson came floating back to the surface.  Haunting me a little.  Mentally, I took a second to rewind over yesterday's catastrophe and I grimaced.  Shucks.  I didn't pass the "perfect Proverbs woman" test, but neither did I fail completely.  So much bubbled behind my lips during the confrontation, but I didn't let it out.  There were a few jabs and snarky comments...kept at a minimum but there, nonetheless.  Being a human is so unforgiving.  We automatically defend ourselves against attacks, but not always wisely. 

As much as I wanted to call names and spit a little something held me back.  I've always held strong to this quote, "There is wisdom in discretion."  And this morning a verse popped up in my reading.

"Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee:"

Prov 2:11

Perfect.  Just another reminder that not all arguments are worth continuing or contributing to.  There are some battles I'm not meant to fight.  God is.  No matter what this person thinks of me, God is the ultimate definer.  My life on this earth has been witnessed by many people, they've seen me grow, struggle, learn, fail...all of it.  They have shown me love and I wouldn't be the person I am today without them. 
So, for yesterday's battle I say that it was another test to who I am in Christ.  Not perfect.  Still learning.  Clinging to His wisdom yearning after his paths.  This is worth more to me than silly, foolish words exchanged and a well placed jab at someone's expense.   Not going to lie, it felt good to get my two cents in every once-in-a-word, but was it worth it? 

No

That feeling

I really, really hate guilt.  It is so unforgiving and takes a lot out of you...especially when you shouldn't feel guilty -- oh, and being ashamed is right up there with guilt.  How did those feelings get so twisted and manage to attach themselves to parts of our lives without a REAL cause?
The only time one should feel guilt or shame is when they have done something wrong.  How many of us feel guilty about things in our lives and can't really explain why?  There is just an unexplainable heaviness about situations and a lot of doubt in the belief system you've created for yourself.
Thinking about all the time I've wasted feeling this way makes me mad!  It means that I need to take a deeper look inside and shore up my belief in myself. 
If I know something is right, then I need to stick by it and not waver for someone else and their very strong opinion.  It's THEIR opinion (unless there is irrefutable proof they are right) I can't get caught in their mental web.  It's confusing and a complete waste of time...

Leave me alone guilt and shame, there is no room for you here!

Just something that has been on my mind.

Clueless

I have no idea what I'm doing.  Honestly.  I came to that conclusion tonight as I was helping my precious baby girl do her hair.  She was freshly bathed, slathered down with lotion and standing there with her hands in her hair desperately trying gather it up for a pony tail.  She is two.
I smiled and felt a little extra beat in my chest.  That was my love meter going haywire. 
But then I stopped smiling because I felt a little overwhelmed with the knowledge that I have no idea what I'm doing.  I'm just a young woman trying to overcome my own problems while trying to raise another young woman.  So confusing. 
I go through these moments sometimes where I feel the task of good parenting is just too great for me to bear. 
But it's not, is it?  Not if I'm seeking in the right places for guidance and counsel.  Biblical, Godly counsel.  So much to remember, so much to impart.  It's not easy being determined to be the best parent you can be -- even if you have no clue what you're doing.

Grabbing my life by the list

When I was in college, my life revolved around lists.  It had to.  I had a lot of classes, projects, reading assignments and study sessions not to mention I was the mom of a very spunky little boy at the time.  Between school, the house duties, working on the weekends, picking up Cy from the sitter's and being a wife, my mind was in a constant whirlwind. 

You know those nifty little notebooks at Target?  I lived out of those.  Lived.  I would go through at least one little booklet every quarter and a half.  Then, I graduated and Facebook and my lists didn't mean anything anymore.  (Facebook was only a mild form of communicating with my classmates to swap study times and homework info NOT a way to keep in daily contact)

Why did I stop making lists??  Uhg.  I really need them to help keep me focused.  Yesterday I finally broke down and made a list.  It felt fabulous.  Every item, but one, was completed and it was such a rewarding feeling.  I'm doing it again today...making a list.  Must resurrect the habit.

Rite of passage

It's Mother's Day.  (was I supposed to capitalize that?)

I didn't get flowers, or a gift, or a card or have the troops rallied around me to shower me with kisses and praises.   I did however, get eggs benedict, made by the most fabulous husband in the world.  The kitchen and all its dirtiness was taken care of by that same fabulous husband and then we went to church.  

My mother's day actually started yesterday when we went on a impromptu trip to the next town over, then forgot the one reason why we went (we were supposed to exchange an item for his mother but left it at the house. hah).  We decided to stop and eat somewhere since it was close to dinner time.  Best decision ever.  D scanned through his phone and found a place that served gyros.  Some of our all time favorite food.  But it was closed.  Lucky for us, the town was small and all of the restaurants were on the same strip.  Even more lucky for us there was a little town fair in progress so we ambled through.  Cute.

Being the mother of these two little rascals has put me through the ringer.   Both of my children have distinctive personalities that try me in different ways.  I'm still alive.  My rite of passage was given and passed.  My children make me better.  I love them unconditionally.  Truly I do.  But I digress.

Back to the tiny little town: The food.  This is where the fun and memories started.  It made me anxious for my children to grow older so I could see how we would all interact.  It was just funny!  Poor D was suffering miserably from allergies so our whole meal was punctuated with his sneezes and "excuse me"'s from the table as he ran to blow his nose.  Thank God he didn't stuff tissue up his nose...but I know he was close to it.  

The kids were in their regular form, a little cagey and disappearing at odd moments.  More than once that evening I found Roma down by my feet and Cylas peering over the booth to spy on the other patrons.  

Everything was funny to us.  But the ultimate was when D asked for a box to take our food.  And then told the busboy that it was for our chickens.  I was mortified.  Really?  The kid just stared at us hoping we were joking then smirked.   When he left, we both bust out laughing.

Danville will never be the same.  

The Kelbas came and left their silly little mark in the minds of those surrounding them that evening.  I'm just glad I'm a Kelba.

Conscious Decisions

Irritated. 
It's no secret that I have had a hard time adjusting to living here...but I'd like to think that I'm living a pretty motivated lifestyle, to say the least.  Since we moved here, a little over three years ago, I have checked off more than half of my "I am going to do this before we leave" list.  That's a lot to be proud of.  But it seems like people hang on to the fact that I don't care to live here.  There is a multitude of reasons I could give as to why, but that is neither here nor there.  Frankly, I just want people to STOP caring about my preference and enjoy being my friend instead.  

There was a conscious decision made, on my part, to support my husband in this move out here so he could get an education.  I know this.  Please don't act like I'm the ONLY person on planet earth who has made a decision and had to find a way to live around the "uncomfortable" parts.  I've not been a complete saint and kept my grumblings to myself, but I eventually learned to turn my frustration into motivation.  Thank God, because I was driving myself nuts!

Bottom line, I am VERY thankful we moved here because I have learned so much about myself, good bad and the ugly :/ , grown stronger through trials, gained irreplaceable knowledge and created friendships with precious people.

Just asking people to forgive the fact that I'm a die-hard for California.  If you dare to ask, I will tell you where my heart is...but don't hold it against me.

My competition

I've decided that I'm officially, seriously, nervous about Cylas going to school.  Watching other people's children and their behaviors makes my nerves jump.  A lot of them have horrible habits that are only fueled by our society. 

My job is to put as much as I can into my boy before he leaves my four walls to sit next to children who might have a bad home life, teachers who are hell-bent on stuffing non-truths and sick ideologies into his innocent head.  

They are my competition.  They will have my kids for hours and hours at a time.  The "real-world" pulls no punches, they cock back and let it fly.  So that means I have to too.  My philosophy has never been to use God a a batter ram, but to show my child all of the wonderful things in God.  

If Cy is mean to his sister I don't ever say, "God doesn't like that."  I don't want him to fear God, well, not like that at least.  But I want him to understand His goodness.  

I explain God a lot differently than most.  Here is a perfect instance:  some days we talk about sharing with others, how it "makes your heart feel good" and how when "you do good, others want to do good, too."  It's very simple.
God isn't my go-to beating stick, he is the icing on the cake.  And that's what I want Cylas to see.  God isn't this big bad, bearded creature dude sitting up there with lightening bolts, no, he is our compass, the little censor light that blinks on and off to tell us when we're not doing the right thing.  And if I can equip my kid with this knowledge, he will be just fine.  His "God light" will shine brightly and guide him through the day and each situation.  Then, he'll come home and we'll discuss any thing that troubled him.  

I admit, my approach to God and parenting may be a little different than most, but I've seen what God becomes if he is presented in a certain form.  

People can yell and shout at me, but I really don't care.  God is the ONLY one who can protect my child from what this world is offering.

Mommy Hobbies: Butterfly Pendant Giveaway!!

Mommy Hobbies: Butterfly Pendant Giveaway!!: "I really, really like spring. It never really meant that much to me, being from California, because our 'spring' is only two weeks lon..."

Streeeecchhh

Warning:  Personal...but, this is my journal of sorts...

I'm sure you all can guess what that sound is, right?  Yeah, that's my kindness muscle.  For the most part I'm a pretty good person...well, I thought I was until someone called me names.  

They hurt really, really bad and I still think about them.  It happened three months ago and every day since then I have worked on myself to prove that person wrong.  I am NOT selfish, insensitive or self-centered.  It's all that runs through my mind these days.  

Amazing how one person's words can have such a deep affect.  In everything I do, I contemplate my motives and it doesn't matter..."you're selfish and self-centered" keeps ringing through my mind.  Torrrtuurrous.  Uhg.  Feels like I've been hit in the head with a gong and there is a constant ringing in my noggin. 

Tonight I'm going over to a woman's house, who I met through my photography business, to give her some spaghetti.  She injured her back and hasn't been able to move.  She has two children and usually works a full time job.  Stressful.

You would think that the thought of giving to someone in need would brighten my mental storm, but it's not.  I can't do enough good to erase those words.  These past few months I have stepped outside my "comfort zone" more than ever.  It's fun, and scary, worth it, but those words don't stop.

I sort of feel like crying as I type this because...wow, words DO hurt.  Silly, silly and foolish was the person who said, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me".  Some things just don't heal...ever.

So, if you have a cross word with someone, measure them carefully before you spill it.  You don't know how deep those words will plunge or what affect they will have...I'm strong and I will get through it, but for now, it hurts and it's really, really hard.  Sometimes, I wish I could go back and change that day in my life...maybe.  Maybe not, because it's what gave me the nudge I needed to give of myself more.

So, maybe I should thank this person instead.  I will never say cruel harsh words to another person, especially my children.  One can only imagine what it would do to an innocent mind.  It's ok to tell someone how you feel, but think first...

Thank you.

Family Ties That Blind

**Fair warning, opinionated post**

Yes, blind.  It's not an uncommon occurrence and it happens more often than it should.  It seems that when there is a blood tie there is this special pass given out for making horrible mistakes or decisions and there is no worry of having to be held accountable.  Can I say the "H" word, please?  Pleeeease? 

Ok, I won't say it, I'll just spell it out.  I H.A.T.E that.  (there are certain things that are ok to hate, I promise, and this is one of them)

My family will tell you, my sisters, mom and brother, that I don't give out those "passes" in my family, not for them, not for my own children.  What an unfortunate example of enabling.  How is the individual ever to learn proper behavior, respect, responsibility if they're always given a way out of their messes.  Denial is not your friend.  It's your enemy and the sneakiest of rascals.  It will creep in and before you know it will have wound its slimy little tentacles around your eyes -- blinding you.  It's a horrible, horrible thing to be an accomplice to someone's stupidity and stand proudly by their side.  No one is capable of making the right decision all the time, but you could make BETTER ones.

Please, stop allowing your blood ties to blind.  It just makes you a sucker.  And please, if you're in a situation and people are trying to tell you you're giving out that "pass" -- LISTEN!!  It's ok to be wrong.  Just stop.  That person is probably killing you and you don't even know it.  They for sure don't respect you because you let what they do slide by, time and time again.  They know they have a shmuck in you.  *sung to the "You have a Friend in Me" tune*

Gracious.  I haven't written in like a month and this is what I decide to post.  It's been burning in my mind for quite some time.  Ahh, I love getting things like that off my chest.

My OTHER blog

Sorry, it's sort of taking over my life!  I have a total of three blogs and this is the one that suffers.  As soon as I can, I'm going to do a blog overhaul and make a combo blog so you only have to go to ONE of my three and then you can coast around there to read about my thoughts or my hobbies, or my kids!

This is a post, however, to let you all know about a giveaway that I'm doing on my hobby blog.

It's for a sock monkey.  Crazy busy as I am, I want to sew yet another sock monkey and then give it away!  So, please, click the link and let me know if you'd be interested in winning it.  Tell your friends because the more people who let me know of their interest the better.  

Don't be shy :))

Click HERE and join the fun!

The "What now?" point

 (Cylas accidentally getting a knee in the chin. POW!)

I'm thinking of a bunch of cords, buried deep, and all attached to issues -- issues in my life that I need to either have closure in or resolve.  Somehow, life has a way of yankin' my stinkin' chain and unearthing these suckers.  One by one and, sometimes, some by some they wiggle to the surface and I have to face them!  But, "WHAT NOW"!!?
I can tell you that I've gotten really good at this.  I'm so used to junk surfacing that I'm not even surprised anymore.  Hah.  Now, I just sit and wait.  Sometimes it will be two months, three months or even longer, but it's inevitable.
Recently, little "issues" have surfaced leaving me to either try and bury them again or just take it head on!  Head on.  I am not the same person I was when I moved here two and a half years ago.  Head. on. baby.  So, I take my idiosyncrasies and use them to better myself.  But this stuff hurts.  Sometimes it makes me feel like a failure, seeing these things in me.  Having parts of me that are broken, underdeveloped or even battered, hurt...bad.  Like a knee in the chin.

For some reason, though, I'm totally ok with this process.  Some of the best, and healing, conversations have taken place during these moments of reveal.  As a result, I am one determined mama, wife and friend.  Promises have been made and I won't let myself down.  I am beyond grateful for the moments of "reveal".  There is no fear in me and I embrace the little earthquakes that shake me and cause my inner cords to come to light.  

And thank God I have Him to help me conquer.

It's about you and me

Sometimes I go into overload.  It's too much, really, and I can't stand it when I do this to myself.
But, it happened again.
Got to thinking about relationships and what they mean.  What a HUGE part of our existence as humans.
Right now, I have a couple of new relationships in my life that are developing beautifully.  Oooh and they are so exciting.

Cylas is my buddy.  We talk about a lot of things.  I am raising him to trust in our relationship.  He knows that he can tell me things and I won't scoff at his concerns or walk away while he's talking to me, or any myriad of things that create frustration and ultimately a distrust.  There is so much to talk about concerning him, but I'm going to move on.

Then there is my little Roma.

What a little petal she is.  She's only two so there isn't much intelligible conversation between us, but she sure does love me!  We snuggle, giggle and sing together.  It's fun and that is where our trust is being built...in the snuggles and giggles,  book reading and wrestling.

But, unfortunately, I also have to concern myself with the real world.  Adults.  All of their problems.  Ick.

The other night I had the most encouraging talk with my husband.  It was a simple exchange of thoughts, revealing feelings, being vulnerable and a mutual respect for all.  How pleasant my life would be if more people respected each other and the difference of opinions -- if they understood that there is a possibility they could be wrong!  Unfortunately, I am pretty much an open book when it comes to my feelings and will be the first to admit I'm wrong.  Never have been much for a confrontation but won't back down from one if it's important enough.  I have jaws that move at lightening speed and will chew anything in my path....but I usually keep that on the DL until someone just REALLY wants a beat down.  HAH.  

Lately, however, I have decided to become a better friend.  Had a few situations mess me up and it helped me put into perspective a few things.  I haven't truly come to terms with it all, but here is what I learned:

Not everyone looks at friendship like I do

Sometimes, some friendships aren't worth keeping

Being honest is the best foundation for a good friendship

Giving of yourself does wonders for a relationship

And here I am.  A little hurt, bruised from the incident but a little bit wiser.  Now, if I could just ACCePT what I've learned.

A word of encouragement

A couple months back, one of my dearest mentors gave me a devotional book with both morning and evening passages.
I have had some of the most trying situations of my life recently and this little book has really helped put things into perspective for me at times.  This isn't a substitute for the word of God, however, but it is a nice accompaniment!  Please enjoy this morning's devotion:

This thing is from me (I Kings 12:24)

Life's disappointments are veiled love's appointments.

                                                                    REV. C. A. FOX

    My child, I have a message for you today; let me whisper it in your ear, that it may gild with glory any storm clouds which may arise, and smooth the rough places upon which you may have to tread.  it is short, only five words, but let them sink into your inmost soul; use them as a pillow upon which to rest your weary head.  This thing is from ME. 

    Have you ever thought of it, that all that concerns you concerns Me too?  For, "he that toucheth you, toucheth the apple of mine eye" (Zech. 2.8).  You are very precious in My sigh (Isa. 43.4).  Therefore, it is My special delight to educate you.

I would have you learn when temptations assail you, and the "enemy comes in like a flood," that this thing is from Me, that your weakness needs My might, and your safety lies in letting Me fight for you.

    Are you in difficult circumstances, surrounded by people who do not understand you, who never consult your taste, who put you in the background?  This thing is from Me.  I am the God of circumstances.  Thou camest not to thy place by accident, it is the very place God meant for thee.

    Have you not asked to be made humble?  See then, I have placed you in the very school where this lesson is taught; your surroundings and companions are only working My will.

Are you in money difficulties?  Is it hard to make both ends meet?  This thing is from Me, for I am your purse-bearer and would have you draw from and depend upon Me.  My supplies are limitless (Phil. 4:19).  I would have you prove my promises.  Let it not be said of you, "In this thing ye did not believe the Lord your God" (Duet 1:32).

    Are you passing through a night of sorrow?  This thing is from Me.  I am the Man of Sorrows and acquainted with grief.  I have let earthly comforters fail you, that by turning to Me you may obtain everlasting consolation (II Thess. 2:16-17).  Have you longed to do some great work for Me and instead have been laid aside on a bed of pain and weakness?  This thing is from Me.  I could not get your attention in your busy days and I want to teach you some of My deepest lessons.  "They also serve who only stand and wait."  Some of My greatest workers are those who shut out from active service, that they may learn to wield the weapon of all-prayer.

    This day I place in your hand this pot of holy oil.  Make use of it free, My child.  Let every circumstance that arises, every word that pains you, every interruption that would make you impatient, every revelation of your weakness be anoiunted with it.  The sting will go as you learn to see Me in all things.

LAURA A. BARTER SNOW

The Island Is So Beautiful

Until it kills you...

I know, sounds dramatic.  But I've been thinking about this and it's serious stuff. 

There is this cool place, in the middle of nowhere.  Well, actually, it's in the middle of our heads and it has just enough room for one person.  It's comfortable there, the temperature is just right, the lemonade is so cold and frosty, there is just enough noise to make it feel like someone else is there with you.  But in reality, there isn't anyone else but you.  What a shame. 

That island has everything we want, but it doesn't have everything we need.  Yes, it's climate controlled and, yes, the food is just right and, yes, we can think clearly, but it's our comfort zone and it will kill us if we don't release ourselves from it.  

Eventually, the comfort zone becomes the kill zone because it has no way of replenishing itself.  It needs an outside source to provide all of those little comforts.  

 I've heard it said that living on a deserted island is one of the "hardest things a person could do" and that ending up on this island is usually the result of a tragedy.  One thing that really struck me was this: "one wrong move or decision and it might be your last."


I think this is pretty telling.  Makes complete sense.  If there is no one else around...

 So, I'm sitting here thinking about all the times that I wanted to fold up into myself and put the lock on so no one else can bother me or make me extend out from myself.  How unhealthy is that?  Humans have a beautiful mutuality about them.  We were made to benefit from each other.  So, this whole, leave-me-alone-because-I-can't-stand-the-fact-you're-breathing-the-same-air-I-am just can't work now...can it?  
*sigh* I suppose that I will have to reconsider the beautiful little island population "me" and maybe it's not so good after all.  
Ok, ok, fine, I'll open up a little and allow people in, allow them to love me, allow them to give to me and then, give of myself a little because it feels so good and so right.


And I leave you all with this last thought from a Mr. Hillary --

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.  
~Edmund Hillary~

I have a secret

I get emotional about certain things. 

I'm the BIGGEST baby when it comes to people struggling with weight and weight loss.  Even though I have never struggled with it, I've been in close contact with people who have/do and I see the anguish in it all.  As of late, I have become somewhat of a partner to four different women on the journey to changing their lifestyles.  I have been profoundly impacted by this partnership.  Each week we all exchange emails and tears fill my eyes as I read about their success and their struggles. 
It's NOT easy.  But it's seriously the best journey one could embark on for a complete Renaissance.  Because that's what it is, it's a "rebirth". 
Losing weight effects your mind, not just your physical state.  I have had to shed a few pounds of baby weight and through sheer determination I did.  It was not easy.  In the end, it was only 5lbs but it may as well have been 20 because they weren't coming off.  Eventually, I passed that hurdle and it felt.so.good.  Small successes are HUGE successes because it touches places deep...like your heart and your mind.  
The two things you try to guard most in your life, because they can break or become damaged.

So, that's my secret.  Shhh.  But maybe, just maybe, there are people out there who have secrets, too...but good ones that can inspire someone to change, or keep going, or to give it another try. 

Our children are our first ministry...

The words of a very wise woman. 
Spent a good hour on the phone with a woman who helped to nurture and raise me in my home church.  When our conversation came to a close, I felt like I could conquer most anything.  She wasn't full of empty praises for me; she simply shared a few of her own life's experiences.  What a rush.  I just started smiling and believing in myself and in my passions all over again.  It wasn't that I had given up or anything, but when someone reminds you of what you're made of...it's like the ultimate kick-start.

We covered so many different subjects during our conversation, but one of the last pieces of advice she offered up was, "start now, start with Cylas.  He'll be five and in five years he'll be ten.  Our children are our first ministry." 

HU.ge responsibility.  But I accept this.  It's an honor.  My husband and I have the very serious job of putting wonderful, beautiful principles into our children that will carry them on into their adulthood.  We building a foundation for them to work off of.  yipes! 
I remember my year in Europe as a foreign exchange student.
I held strong to my roots and my convictions.
It was a very revealing time for me and I thank God for the people He placed in my life at such a young age.
What a test.  But now, this year is going to be the real beginning of my little boy's journey into the big, wide world.  This September -- he's going to kindergarten.