The "What now?" point

 (Cylas accidentally getting a knee in the chin. POW!)

I'm thinking of a bunch of cords, buried deep, and all attached to issues -- issues in my life that I need to either have closure in or resolve.  Somehow, life has a way of yankin' my stinkin' chain and unearthing these suckers.  One by one and, sometimes, some by some they wiggle to the surface and I have to face them!  But, "WHAT NOW"!!?
I can tell you that I've gotten really good at this.  I'm so used to junk surfacing that I'm not even surprised anymore.  Hah.  Now, I just sit and wait.  Sometimes it will be two months, three months or even longer, but it's inevitable.
Recently, little "issues" have surfaced leaving me to either try and bury them again or just take it head on!  Head on.  I am not the same person I was when I moved here two and a half years ago.  Head. on. baby.  So, I take my idiosyncrasies and use them to better myself.  But this stuff hurts.  Sometimes it makes me feel like a failure, seeing these things in me.  Having parts of me that are broken, underdeveloped or even battered, hurt...bad.  Like a knee in the chin.

For some reason, though, I'm totally ok with this process.  Some of the best, and healing, conversations have taken place during these moments of reveal.  As a result, I am one determined mama, wife and friend.  Promises have been made and I won't let myself down.  I am beyond grateful for the moments of "reveal".  There is no fear in me and I embrace the little earthquakes that shake me and cause my inner cords to come to light.  

And thank God I have Him to help me conquer.

It's about you and me

Sometimes I go into overload.  It's too much, really, and I can't stand it when I do this to myself.
But, it happened again.
Got to thinking about relationships and what they mean.  What a HUGE part of our existence as humans.
Right now, I have a couple of new relationships in my life that are developing beautifully.  Oooh and they are so exciting.

Cylas is my buddy.  We talk about a lot of things.  I am raising him to trust in our relationship.  He knows that he can tell me things and I won't scoff at his concerns or walk away while he's talking to me, or any myriad of things that create frustration and ultimately a distrust.  There is so much to talk about concerning him, but I'm going to move on.

Then there is my little Roma.

What a little petal she is.  She's only two so there isn't much intelligible conversation between us, but she sure does love me!  We snuggle, giggle and sing together.  It's fun and that is where our trust is being built...in the snuggles and giggles,  book reading and wrestling.

But, unfortunately, I also have to concern myself with the real world.  Adults.  All of their problems.  Ick.

The other night I had the most encouraging talk with my husband.  It was a simple exchange of thoughts, revealing feelings, being vulnerable and a mutual respect for all.  How pleasant my life would be if more people respected each other and the difference of opinions -- if they understood that there is a possibility they could be wrong!  Unfortunately, I am pretty much an open book when it comes to my feelings and will be the first to admit I'm wrong.  Never have been much for a confrontation but won't back down from one if it's important enough.  I have jaws that move at lightening speed and will chew anything in my path....but I usually keep that on the DL until someone just REALLY wants a beat down.  HAH.  

Lately, however, I have decided to become a better friend.  Had a few situations mess me up and it helped me put into perspective a few things.  I haven't truly come to terms with it all, but here is what I learned:

Not everyone looks at friendship like I do

Sometimes, some friendships aren't worth keeping

Being honest is the best foundation for a good friendship

Giving of yourself does wonders for a relationship

And here I am.  A little hurt, bruised from the incident but a little bit wiser.  Now, if I could just ACCePT what I've learned.

A word of encouragement

A couple months back, one of my dearest mentors gave me a devotional book with both morning and evening passages.
I have had some of the most trying situations of my life recently and this little book has really helped put things into perspective for me at times.  This isn't a substitute for the word of God, however, but it is a nice accompaniment!  Please enjoy this morning's devotion:

This thing is from me (I Kings 12:24)

Life's disappointments are veiled love's appointments.

                                                                    REV. C. A. FOX

    My child, I have a message for you today; let me whisper it in your ear, that it may gild with glory any storm clouds which may arise, and smooth the rough places upon which you may have to tread.  it is short, only five words, but let them sink into your inmost soul; use them as a pillow upon which to rest your weary head.  This thing is from ME. 

    Have you ever thought of it, that all that concerns you concerns Me too?  For, "he that toucheth you, toucheth the apple of mine eye" (Zech. 2.8).  You are very precious in My sigh (Isa. 43.4).  Therefore, it is My special delight to educate you.

I would have you learn when temptations assail you, and the "enemy comes in like a flood," that this thing is from Me, that your weakness needs My might, and your safety lies in letting Me fight for you.

    Are you in difficult circumstances, surrounded by people who do not understand you, who never consult your taste, who put you in the background?  This thing is from Me.  I am the God of circumstances.  Thou camest not to thy place by accident, it is the very place God meant for thee.

    Have you not asked to be made humble?  See then, I have placed you in the very school where this lesson is taught; your surroundings and companions are only working My will.

Are you in money difficulties?  Is it hard to make both ends meet?  This thing is from Me, for I am your purse-bearer and would have you draw from and depend upon Me.  My supplies are limitless (Phil. 4:19).  I would have you prove my promises.  Let it not be said of you, "In this thing ye did not believe the Lord your God" (Duet 1:32).

    Are you passing through a night of sorrow?  This thing is from Me.  I am the Man of Sorrows and acquainted with grief.  I have let earthly comforters fail you, that by turning to Me you may obtain everlasting consolation (II Thess. 2:16-17).  Have you longed to do some great work for Me and instead have been laid aside on a bed of pain and weakness?  This thing is from Me.  I could not get your attention in your busy days and I want to teach you some of My deepest lessons.  "They also serve who only stand and wait."  Some of My greatest workers are those who shut out from active service, that they may learn to wield the weapon of all-prayer.

    This day I place in your hand this pot of holy oil.  Make use of it free, My child.  Let every circumstance that arises, every word that pains you, every interruption that would make you impatient, every revelation of your weakness be anoiunted with it.  The sting will go as you learn to see Me in all things.

LAURA A. BARTER SNOW