Those friends

Feeling a little nostalgic today.

I think that "true" friends are very much taken for granted.  We all think we have them, but soon discover not everyone is "true" friend material.  Boo.  But let me tell you now, finding that one friend, or two, who will ride out any situation with you is one of the best feelings in the world.  I'm really counting my blessings today for the people in my life who know how to keep your confidence, send you a little pick-me-up note, push you through your weak moments, tell you like it is -- with love, know who you are and what you're made of...

So many people, I've found, have a limit on their friendship.  Eventually, they decide to give up and choose to see the negative or choose to believe a misguided word.  How many times have these unfortunate situations ruined a beautiful budding relationship?  *sigh*  My Sunday school teacher once shared that "a man is lucky to have five true friends in his life".  How hard that was for me to see while I was young.  I mean, shoot, I had friends for a dime a dozen.  We played Barbies, house, cowboys and Indians.  They were my friends, right?  Only good friends let you wear their clothes or give you a fresh pair of underwear when you forgot to bring yours to the sleepover...

Time tells and reveals so much about the character of mankind.  So fickle and flighty.  So conditional and critical.  Good luck finding a brother who will stand by you through the storm. 

Today, I am thankful for the few people I have in my life who have never questioned my character or integrity.  They know me in such a deep way.  They accept my faults and work with me.  They have a smile, a nudge or a whisper to keep me focused.  They see the good in me.  They see the good.  Shame, shame on those who enjoy finding the faults of their brother.  Shame.  Don't tear down.  Lift up your brother in his weakened state, for if you don't, you are no better than he in his folly...

Extend a hand.

Thank you to all of my childhood friends and thank you to those who came into my life in my early twenties.  You are the people who have helped me to become who I am today.

Streeeecchhh

Warning:  Personal...but, this is my journal of sorts...

I'm sure you all can guess what that sound is, right?  Yeah, that's my kindness muscle.  For the most part I'm a pretty good person...well, I thought I was until someone called me names.  

They hurt really, really bad and I still think about them.  It happened three months ago and every day since then I have worked on myself to prove that person wrong.  I am NOT selfish, insensitive or self-centered.  It's all that runs through my mind these days.  

Amazing how one person's words can have such a deep affect.  In everything I do, I contemplate my motives and it doesn't matter..."you're selfish and self-centered" keeps ringing through my mind.  Torrrtuurrous.  Uhg.  Feels like I've been hit in the head with a gong and there is a constant ringing in my noggin. 

Tonight I'm going over to a woman's house, who I met through my photography business, to give her some spaghetti.  She injured her back and hasn't been able to move.  She has two children and usually works a full time job.  Stressful.

You would think that the thought of giving to someone in need would brighten my mental storm, but it's not.  I can't do enough good to erase those words.  These past few months I have stepped outside my "comfort zone" more than ever.  It's fun, and scary, worth it, but those words don't stop.

I sort of feel like crying as I type this because...wow, words DO hurt.  Silly, silly and foolish was the person who said, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me".  Some things just don't heal...ever.

So, if you have a cross word with someone, measure them carefully before you spill it.  You don't know how deep those words will plunge or what affect they will have...I'm strong and I will get through it, but for now, it hurts and it's really, really hard.  Sometimes, I wish I could go back and change that day in my life...maybe.  Maybe not, because it's what gave me the nudge I needed to give of myself more.

So, maybe I should thank this person instead.  I will never say cruel harsh words to another person, especially my children.  One can only imagine what it would do to an innocent mind.  It's ok to tell someone how you feel, but think first...

Thank you.

Internet relationships, texting and the weather

Three seemingly unrelated topics but I beg to differ. Since moving to a state that is related to the Arctic circle, I've found myself indoors for at least 95% of this past winter. I might add that it's spring and I'm STILL inside. Anyway, my poor child has been quarantined with me and is about to drive himself nuts. Well -- he's driving us both nuts. The only time he sees children is when I can muster up the strength to take us all to the library. Otherwise, he might get a fleeting glance at the neighbor children running across our lawn trying to get back inside before they freeze. He saw them one day and started screaming at them through our kitchen door. I felt so bad for him. He hadn't seen another small person like himself in days. I wonder what that felt like. So, I stopped the neighbor and she took him over to play. How sweet. But, now, you're wondering where the internet comes into play. The internet is MY playground. I find myself talking with people who I've known for a long time (in real life) and would other wise never have a relationship with. Now, I have fantastic friends with whom I play Scrabble, exchange advice and gossip about our motherly duties. And if I'm not communicating with these lovely women over the net, then I'm getting texts from my sisters and other good friends. As a matter of fact, one of the neighbor girls just texted me and we're signing up for an aerobics class together. Cool, huh? Since when did I start cultivating all of these indoor virtual/ real relationships? Well, as soon as I realized that it would no longer take me ten minutes to get out the door. It now takes me closer to an hour. It is a long winding ride to the library and I have to find places to hide in between the bookshelves to nurse while trying to keep an eye on my VERY active two and a half year old. I suppose I would rather nurse while at the keyboard, listen to my son entertain himself in the next room and then make grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for lunch. Ahh yes...the internet does serve a good purpose. And, my days look more like this now:

Thoughts, Friends and New Endeavors!

(thanks Aunt Sarah for the mittens!) Before I start on the REAL subjects at hand, I have to give a standing ovation to my son. He is only two and few weeks old and is ALREADY potty training!! He has gone almost 5 hours without an accident! I love my little stinker.

Now, for the meat and potatoes...

Moving here to PA has given me time to think...a LOT. Seeing as we live in a relatively rural town and there isn't much to do here I've found myself soul-searching a lot and talking to myself...out LOUD, no less. hahha. There is a lot I need to do while I'm here and I'm afraid of failing. I have set a few goals for myself and have only started a couple. Yes, I do have five years to get them done but, I don't want to sit on my tail until the very last minute!! The purpose for David and I moving here was so that he could go to school and get an education. We've been here four months (!!!) already and there haven't been any steps taken toward this goal. Being the worry wart I am, I hopped on the interent and started communicating with some of the universities around here to gather information for David. And still nothing has happened...so, yesterday I surfed the net again and found the most interesting site that gave me all the info I needed about salaries, job description and the hiring rates of each engineering field. So cool! David sat down and read about each and we discussed what he'd like to do and after that, I felt so much better. Next up: FAFSA!
(those were my thoughts)

Among the other thoughts occupying my mind, I figured it was time to pay tribute to some of my closest friends and share with you all a few things that I've learned from each.

Von de Leigh: This relationship is SO complicated I think people would laugh if they knew. There is such a deep connection between her and I that has managed to stand the test of time and thousands of miles! It started when I was about fifteen years old. The funny thing is the relationship just HAPPENED. I can't even give it a starting date it just...became. More than once my dear friend has taught me priceless lessons and given me SUCH words of encouragement that spoke to my heart so deeply. As I write this, my eyes are tearing up because of all the great memories I created with her and the experiences we've had learning about life together.
She's one friend who has taught me:
Perseverence
Faithfulness
Listening and waiting to hear BOTH sides of a story
Life is so full of fun, wild things to do
Discretion
Modesty
Sweetness
And she has ALWAYS given me my medicine straight! What a great friend to tell me how it is even if it hurts a little. I love you so much....Thank you


Sarah:
I can honestly say that this is one person who most people misjudge and are missing out on one of the sweetest people around. She and I became friends when I was around nine years old and boy, we sure did tough it out! We have fought like cats and dogs and gone on SOoo many adventures together between pony rides at my place, swimming at hers, playing Polly Pockets and Barbie's, sharing secrets, getting her mom to sew us identical bathing suits and then making us mermaid tales so we could drown in her pool trying to swim with them!! Sarah is one of those people who gives you more of herself each time but, only if you have proven that you can be trusted with her sensitive side (which she hides SO well!)
She has taught me:
Be smart
Out do Ryan at ALL costs
Spend your money doing crazy fun things
Travel the world without regrets
Listen a little more and see what you discover
Being quiet isn't always bad...the silence speaks too
Loyalty is NEVER un-rewarded
Be patient because what you're waiting for will come your way
My dearest Sarah, your sweet little smile and your infrequent hugs are such a joy to me. I know that each time they happen they come from the deepest part of you. You're an undiscovered wonder!

Tabby:
Oh my, this friendship started the moment we both knew we were pregnant. We grew together and popped together!(well almost). Countless times I would call her with all my worries about being pregnant and she would answer me in her sweet, perky voice, "Oh, Misha...". And that was all I needed to just smile and feel better. And since our little boys have grown our relationship grew with them! Being at her house for play dates, seeing them all on Thanksgiving, celebrating Fake "Halloween" and stuffing poor Jack and Cy into painfully cute costumes!
She has taught me:
Smiling changes your mood!
Be Positive
Organize yourself
Creativity is so much fun
Learn from the hard lessons sent your way...but, do it with a smile
Encourage others
Be sensitive
It's NEVER too late to learn something new!!
I truly believe that you are an unsung hero, sweet Tabby. There should be more people like you around to make the world smile and brighten up a bit. Thank you for being sweet to me! You have such a beautiful countenance and I know that there is so much about you that I still need to learn. You're an amazing woman who is so well rounded and I admire you tons...

There are a couple more friends that I wanted to write about but, I will save that for later...
(those were my friends)

Now for my latest endeavor!!! I recently signed up for guitar lessons!! I'm so excited about this. I haven't been musically active in about eleven years. The hankering hit me two weeks ago and I just confirmed with a teacher here in Lewisburg and will be starting up next Thursday. I will be sure to post my progress! (YES! another goal down...several more to go)
And now, you can all breath deeply...because I'm done.