Mommy Time/ Me time

Where do I start?  Because, honestly, those are foreign phrases in my book.  Well, ok, truth be told, they are not so much foreign as they are a rarity.  And, as I said in my last post, every situation is different.  At this point in my life, my children are still young and not in school.  Therefore, I am with them 24/7.  Seriously.  I go through guilty spells where I am thoroughly convinced that taking out time for myself is unacceptable.  I have two VERY distinct sides:  My mommy side loves being with my babies and couldn't imagine a day without them and my "oh-to-be-young-again" side pops its carefree, wild curled head up and wishes loudly that it could just, "TAKE A BREAK!!".  But I can't.  I tried it once.  

I mean, like a REAL break not just getting together with a girlfriend after NINE PM to take an hour to myself.  I went away with a friend for a weekend.  Just me.  Her.  And the lights of NYC.  Talk about the memory of a life time and yet I couldn't enjoy myself completely.  Uhg.  SO annooyinnngg.  Let's be honest, who sits through almost the whole show of Phantom Of The Opera, on Broadway no less(!), thinking about their children and wondering if they're fed, bathed and scrape free??  Me.  That's who.  Pa.thetic.  

I'm a hopeless romantic mom-antic.  There are times when I invent my own mom time and it is usually in the car.  For some reason, whenever I'm in the car with my kids I start to zone and think about ...whatever... I don't even know.  All I know is that my brain sort of takes its own course and I follow along mindlessly.  But, this also happens to be the time when Cylas is most chatty.  CHATT.Y!!  He will yammer non-stop for the duration of our drive and I'm batty by the end although I took a mental leave of absence.  I still responded faintly to his garbled conversation.  See.  I'm totally backward.  DON'T ignore your children, Misha!!  Bleh.  But I'm holding out a hope that once my babies are in school I will welcome the sweet hours of silence I have to myself and it won't be so hard to go off for the weekend and leave them with the grandparents.  *breath in, breath out*  Wow, I can't imagine myself at that point.  Leaving my children to survive without me.  Without me.  Maybe I'm putting the worth of my value too high.  Maybe not.  Maybe being a mom IS what it's all about. (with a few breaks in between!)

Ohk, I know this photo has absolutely nothing to do with my post BUT itwaspotentiallyacutepicandDruineditandheshouldbeembarassed.

Love you, hunny.