Compare and Contrast

   Why is it that I, as a mother, feel the need to compare myself to other mothers?  It's getting annoying.  I catch myself comparing how my fellow moms work with their children at home doing things like:  ABC's, 123's, writing, crafts.  Good lord.  I do minimal amounts of these types of activities with my children.  Yes.  I'm horrible like that.  I don't sit down with my kid every. single. day and go over these important skill builders.  I wish I was more disciplined.

No.  Instead.  My kid plays outside almost all day long with his buddy.  They build sand castles, they ride bikes, the play cops and robbers, build forts with my couch and ALL the spare blankets and pretend to play chess.  And then, there are the days where I sit down and we sing the ABC's, we count, we name the shapes and colors we draw and we practice counting and saying our ABC's in Russian.  It's just not every day.  I show him how to run my computer.  I send him out to collect the eggs and feed the chickens our fruit scraps.  And when Papa comes home out come the Play-dough, the model ships to construct, the kites to fly, the paper pirate hats made from newspaper and all the crafty activities.

As of late, Cylas has expressed intense interest in helping me cook.  So, we mix the flour, sugar, and eggs to make pancakes, we pour the batter together to form the little rounds.  Or, he'll pour the pre-measured seasonings into what ever dish I'm making.  We'll discuss and smell all of the ingredients going into the night's dinner.  That's what I do.  I'm not a super mom, I'm not a homeschooling mom.  I'm just a mom.  

My house gets messy.  Cluttery.  Annoying.  My kids scream, fight and cry.  My little boy wets the bed every now and then, my laundry over flows, my little girl takes baths in the toilet.  But I still have all my hair, my children are loved unconditionally and our home is a haven.  A safe one, at that.  I spend my days training my children, showing them how to love and be loved, teaching them the importance of communicating, how to be respectful...

Wow.  From my vantage point, it looks like I'm raising well-rounded, responsible citizens.  ok, ok, I'll quit comparing myself.  I'm not a bad mom...I'm raising my children differently.

Mommy Time/ Me time

Where do I start?  Because, honestly, those are foreign phrases in my book.  Well, ok, truth be told, they are not so much foreign as they are a rarity.  And, as I said in my last post, every situation is different.  At this point in my life, my children are still young and not in school.  Therefore, I am with them 24/7.  Seriously.  I go through guilty spells where I am thoroughly convinced that taking out time for myself is unacceptable.  I have two VERY distinct sides:  My mommy side loves being with my babies and couldn't imagine a day without them and my "oh-to-be-young-again" side pops its carefree, wild curled head up and wishes loudly that it could just, "TAKE A BREAK!!".  But I can't.  I tried it once.  

I mean, like a REAL break not just getting together with a girlfriend after NINE PM to take an hour to myself.  I went away with a friend for a weekend.  Just me.  Her.  And the lights of NYC.  Talk about the memory of a life time and yet I couldn't enjoy myself completely.  Uhg.  SO annooyinnngg.  Let's be honest, who sits through almost the whole show of Phantom Of The Opera, on Broadway no less(!), thinking about their children and wondering if they're fed, bathed and scrape free??  Me.  That's who.  Pa.thetic.  

I'm a hopeless romantic mom-antic.  There are times when I invent my own mom time and it is usually in the car.  For some reason, whenever I'm in the car with my kids I start to zone and think about ...whatever... I don't even know.  All I know is that my brain sort of takes its own course and I follow along mindlessly.  But, this also happens to be the time when Cylas is most chatty.  CHATT.Y!!  He will yammer non-stop for the duration of our drive and I'm batty by the end although I took a mental leave of absence.  I still responded faintly to his garbled conversation.  See.  I'm totally backward.  DON'T ignore your children, Misha!!  Bleh.  But I'm holding out a hope that once my babies are in school I will welcome the sweet hours of silence I have to myself and it won't be so hard to go off for the weekend and leave them with the grandparents.  *breath in, breath out*  Wow, I can't imagine myself at that point.  Leaving my children to survive without me.  Without me.  Maybe I'm putting the worth of my value too high.  Maybe not.  Maybe being a mom IS what it's all about. (with a few breaks in between!)

Ohk, I know this photo has absolutely nothing to do with my post BUT itwaspotentiallyacutepicandDruineditandheshouldbeembarassed.

Love you, hunny.