I'm a mother. Wife. Lover to my husband. Educated woman. Individual? I don't know. I am all things to all my little people -- and husband. I am a homemaker. I have the immune system of an elephant. My ears rival that of the most fiercest land predator. I have a sixth sense you don't want to mess with. But, an individual? Still don't know. My voice has calming powers. My hands have healing powers. My eyes can freeze a three year old mid-step. But being my own person? Uhg. THAT thing again? Battling with knowing where I stop and start as an individual is a conundrum. A huge one. It's ok to have goals -- I tell myself this all the time. I have even secretly written down a page full of endeavors I want to accomplish. It's ok -- I tell myself -- to have these unpublished desires. But every now and then I think my mind likes to play tricks on me. The urge to take a job gets really, really strong. So strong, my computer starts popping up websites that advertise positions available in all the fields I'm interested in *clears throat*. It does...I promise.
And then, it hit me. The line is where ever I draw it. Until I re-draw it. So for now, a job is about two years away, heading back to school even further and well, a hoard of other things will just-have-to-wait. And that's ok. But it's not easy. My heart wants so badly to do these little projects but just as badly it yearns to be with my babies. Some things in life can never replace watching your baby roll over for the first time, go potty in the toilet like a big boy, brush her teeth like a big girl, having your baby sing in your ear and coo -- it is priceless.
