In my spare time there are things I do.

Yes!  I do things in my scattered moments of "me" time.  Today I found three hours to sew!  It was a glorious feeling.  Cylas was playing with the neighbor boy, Roma was toodling around and D was doing homework.

It felt good to release my creative energies on something so cute.  I haven't had time, recently.  These little suckers took three hours to make and I enjoyed every minute of it.

 

...even down to the little carrot on the snowman.  These ornaments just so happened to be going to a friend of mine down in FL.  She saw I had made monogrammed ones for my mom and sisters and asked if I could do something similar.  What a great little project to put into the middle of my Saturday afternoon.

Hello, goodbye '10.  You were good while you lasted!  Only two more weeks and these ornaments will be a momento to 365 days passed.
But they're still kinda cute...

...and then I was taking the...

I'm starting to feel like my life is a bunch of unfinished conversations.

One of the most annoying parts of being a mom, yes, I just said annoying, is the impossibility of completely finishing ones thought out loud. with another human.  Let alone your own inner thoughts.  The other day it was really quiet in the car, like only two minutes of silence, quiet, and Cylas, having quite enough of that, broke it.
"Mahm, let's talk about something."
Me: "Ok, like what?"
Cy:  "Horses." (said with the cutest little lisp attached to the "s"s.)
Me:  "Ok."
Cy:  "Yeah, like if the horses went underground in a hole.  They would see all kind of bugs, like beetles, and lady bugs, and worms..."
Me:  "Wow, the horse would have to be pretty small then."
Cy:  "What?  Pretty small?"

I don't think he liked my answer because he stopped talking for a few seconds -- only to start back up again completely ignoring my input. 

So, he's allowed to have all these little running thoughts that manage to collide into mine, completely changing their course or making me forget what I was thinking about in the first place.  BAHhumbug.  Yes, I'm totally selfish and would like to have my inner AND outer thoughts to myself sometimes.  And if I had a genie in a bottle, I would totally wish to finish all my unfinished convos from the past.  How cool would that be?  I know there are some pretty interesting danglers in my conversational past.

Hah.
The voice of convos past.
Sounds like the beginnings of a good book.

But for now, I will have to live with digging into a good convo and being interrupted, constantly, by this kid or that, by this fight or that, by this crash or that...or that, or that.

Wait, what was I saying... ?

Getting over the small stuff

Unfortunately, the small stuff can be hard to "get over".  More often than not, it's the small stuff that ruins relationships.  It's true.  

a mistunderstanding

poor communication

assumptions

idiocyncracies

cultural differences

I can't begin to truly list all of the contributing factors.  Just know, that each of those listed I have experienced.  The past couple of months have been extremely trying for me.  The other morning I was having breakfast with D and it hit me.  

Just. get. over. it

But it's sooo hard!  The more I thought about it, the more it made sense.  If I let all of the little stuff bug me and bug me until I can't bear to look at the person, all that little stuff will soon big a big pile.  A big pile of messy, icky, bad, feelings.  No good.  

I am, inherently, a very forgiving and loving person, so it makes it very hard for me to be angry at someone for very long.  Please, don't think you'll escape my extremely point blank opinion, though.  I may not be able to stay mad at you for long but you'll know how I feel about ....whatever it is. 

But, I think that in order for me to continue to grow, as a mature adult, learning the lesson of "getting over it" is inescapable.  *slump*  And so, so hard. 

While I am forgiving and whatnot, I'm also quite high strung.  So, when conflict arises I tend to jump into the fray without completely thinking things through.  Lately, I've made myself stop, for at least a minute, before I pitch in.  And you know what, I find that I don't NEED to contribute as much as I'd thought!  Wow.  It's a total diffuser...this newfangled concept of THINKING THINGS THROUGH.  Sheeeesh.  Why didn't anyone tell me this before??  I'm kind of diggin' it though.  

Listen

Wait

Filter your thoughts

And then: pitch in -- or not.

It works.  Trust me.

Yes, please. No, thank you.

I'm a sucker for a good book.  I'm an even BIGGER sucker for a good children's book.  And this one stole my heart from first glance.

Gimme that!  Give it!  Give that to me right now!!  Or, as we often say, in Russian, Дай мне.  Well, the only things these phrases have in common is -- their rudeness.  One of the most important tasks I have as a mother is to teach my children manners!  What a concept.  Our world is appalled and surprised by the breed of children that are being brought forth.  Wow.  And faaarr be it for me to add to the mayhem by raising two more heathens.  No sir.

And I suppose, just like the mom in this book, you could stumble upon a book of etiquette during your browse time in Borders or, just save yourself the $30 and go to your local library and pick one up!

This book brought to life the iconic Emily Post characters: Mrs. Worldly.  Mrs. Toplofty.  Mrs. Wellborn. The Kindharts.

What a crew. 

And I'm terribly in love with the protagonist.  Her hair.  I want to have Roma's hair coiffed just so -- giving her the feeling of movement even if she's sitting, sucking on a binky.

What a little rascal.  All of the children remain nameless but they should have called this one Jo (just like in Little Women).  They turned the tables on their poor mother causing her to stomp upstairs and stay there for "a long time." 

 

Somehow I can relate with the sentiment in this photo.  

Poor mom, trying to instill priceless virtues into her children and she was outwitted and outWAITed by her brood.  But, I wonder if she had started when they were younger would she have had the same challenges.  I think not.  So, don't frown at me when I chastise my children for not saying, "please, thank you, yes papa, no mama, yes (instead of WHAT!)"; or when I kindly remind my four year old that he must place his dishes in the sink when he's done, or to fold his pajamas in the morning.  And when I encourage my, almost, two year old to wipe her mouth when it's dirty. 

Mmm, early, but sweet beginnings for well mannered children.  What a breath of fresh air.  Now, my mom didn't raise us girls on Emily Post but on these books and these books.  They are such a bright spot in my childhood memory.  My mom still has them, come to think of it.  And soon my little boy will have the same sweet memories to add to his collection of "things my papa and mama did for me when I was a little boy".  

Thank you for the reminder, my nameless little Rascal...

 

Worth sharing...

As most of you know, I have more than one blog, I have more than two blogs.  I have three.  Embarrassing, but true.  

 Before you call me nuts...well, ok, you can...I do keep them all up to date!  My most recent post was this.  And I just had to share...because it was such a great cooking experience for me.

Enjoy

The will of a child

I'm not an expert.  I'm just a mom with four and a half years of experience.  Ok, if you're unimpressed, go ahead, click the "x".  But, if you're willing to hear me out, we're in for an opinionated ride together.

D and I have read books on how to raise children.  They have been goldmines.  I honestly believe that some of the stuff that should just be "common sense" is some of the hardest to come by unless it's written out for you.  Invaluable material.  From these books, past experiences, the bible and trial and error we have diligently raised our children to the best of our ability.  You know your work is paying off when random strangers come up and compliment not only your family, but your children!  Tears come to my eyes as I think about this.  Our children, as I have written about before, are our heart and soul manifested.  They magnify your idiosyncrasies exposing what you wish no one knew existed behind your "calm", "gentle", seemingly "patient", loving demeanor.  Yes, your kids are the billboard of what you do behind closed doors.  Can someone say, "Jumbo-tron"?    

Now, the will, what a crucial part of a child's make up.  It's either strong or just "there".  I don't believe that children have "weak" wills because if they want to do something they WILL.  It's just that some are little less forceful in their attempts.

I happen to be the proud mother of two willful children.  They will do what they want within the perimeters of our house rules.  Cylas is a curious type.  He explores, discovers, experiments and is very imaginative.  While he has all of these great qualities, I find him to be needy in certain areas.  Now, Romalise, at this point, is a little mimicker.  It doesn't mean she isn't full of it, because she is.  If things don't go her way, there is much screaming and thrashing about...which results in well, a nice little reminder that such behavior is unacceptable.  So, this is where I start walking this little, thin line of BALANCE.  So finicky, this line.  Too much and you're "off base" and too little means you're "missing the mark".  Ahg!

Children are so keen.  They know how to push you into giving them what they want.  Once they discover how to "win", it's game on.  Good luck getting the ball back in your court.  Shoot.  They may be little, have no experience in the "real world" but they sure know how to strip you of your sanity, self-control, patience, the ability to regulate the tone of your voice...seriously?  Those. little. buggers.  So, I've found that in order to combat this...tragedy of parental mental break-down, I must be consistent.  If I say "no", I stick with it.  It doesn't matter.  No = No.  Simple!  (hahahah).  Yeeeah, I'm doing ok.  Tested. Tried. Still barely standing.

A child's will is tender and ready to be formed...just so.  The experiences your babies have with your direction/correction in their lives will ultimately form their opinion of authority in general.  Wow.  That should make us all pause and think.  What am I doing, right now, to introduce my child/ren to this inescapable part of reality?  Adults, too, manifest their childhood encounter with "authority".  Sometimes it's appalling, sometimes it's a crying shame, sometimes it's hurtful...to see how they treat the authority in their adult lives.  Tsk, tsk... (now, I warned you all that this was going to be opinionated).  Hope you all are still with me...hang in there, just about done with this soapbox.

There is so much to write, but I will save it for another post.  For now, I leave you with this:

We, as parents, are their first taste of authority and structure.  Let's make it a great one...correct your babies in love, not in anger.  Take a moment to stop, think about what you're about to do, if you have to, leave the room...it works.  Stuff like that doesn't go without paying you back ten-fold and in spades.

The beauty of growth

There is nothing more satisfying than growth.  Spring.  Finally, up from the ground come all those sleeping bulbs, warming the air with their colors and filling your nose with the scent of life.

Yes.  Beauty.

But for some reason, even in the dead of winter, (not that it's winter...) the satisfaction of knowing YOU have grown can have the same effect.  So inspiring.  I have had several such moments during our time here.  Today I felt another "stop and smell the flowers" moment happening.  And I did stop.  I smiled and felt so beautiful inside.  What is on the inside will come out.  Don't you doubt it for a second.  We can only keep our nature hidden for so long. 

I have been tested here, in PA, in so many ways.  Never imagined some of the ways I would be tested and each time it happens, I find myself thanking God for the wonderful upbringing I've had.  Gracious.  It has gotten me through some sticky situations.  My heart yearns to be open, ready, pure, teachable, loving, forgiving, loyal, true...and I think that all of those desires have been tried at one point or another.  But it's paying off, my determination. 

I have found solace in prayer, bible reading, and positive thinking.  And I have to thank my husband for being the level in my life.  

But getting "beautiful" on the inside isn't easy.  You take low blows, you lose friends, while loneliness becomes and old friend, but in the end, it's so worth it.  So, I'll just stick with this whole "inward growth" thing because it's not just beneficial for me but for my children, too.

A huge thank you to my Sunday school teachers, mentors, and home church for this wonderful foundation that I'm working off of...